I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
