summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
