Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
