eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
