pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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