i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
