You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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