how can u be prego again
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Randomize
