God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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