My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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