I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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