sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We smell like vodka and hangover
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