So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
