Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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