No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
