She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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