Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
