I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
