Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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