you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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