I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
