it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
