I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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