Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I smell stomach acid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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