tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone says I win the strip club
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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