Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize