i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
