Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
