you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
