Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
