Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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