Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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