By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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