Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
50% drunk capacity currently
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
