I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
