Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize