I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
