i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
