my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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