dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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