he wants to bone in the snuggie
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
