just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
