she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
