NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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