im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
