My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
