Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
