PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
