FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
