It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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