so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
