Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
