Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
