is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
