I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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