you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
