wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
