I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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