If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
