you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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