I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize