Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
