guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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