Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
