The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
