Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
