I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
