My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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