guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
