I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
