Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
