New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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