Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
